Lower the Anchor, Before the Ocean Swallows Me Whole

I've been looking for love in the wrong places;

behind bookshelves, under mattresses,

mixed with the milk in the bottles on my doorstep. 

I can't give you a good reason, for this. Love

just seems like the sort of thing I'd 

misplace, 

in the grand scheme of 

life and death and everything in between.

And there are days where I feel it 

like the perpetual sting of a 

struggling honeybee,

like a paper cut from an unopened

envelope, like the 

scorching touch of hot wax 

but I tend to ignore the scars.

I want to feel safe again 

I think: safety is an island in a vast sea of consequence 

and no one ever taught me how to swim.

I will not try today, I will not try tomorrow. I am too warm to wonder 

about everything in between. 

I've been asked what I know of love

(of cherry lips and apple eyes, of 

feeling lonely in crowded corridors) 

and I wonder if knowing what love was would make me feel whole again. 

I've been in pieces for far too long

I hide them behind bookshelves, under mattresses... 

I hid them too well. 

-Cass

Sea Fever

I must go down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,
And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by,
And the wheel’s kick and the wind’s song and the white sail’s shaking,
And a grey mist on the sea’s face, and a grey dawn breaking.

I must go down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide
Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied;
And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying,
And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying.

I must go down to the seas again, to the vagrant gypsy life,
To the gull’s way and the whale’s way, where the wind’s like a whetted knife;
And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover,
And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick’s over.

-Sea Fever, by John Masefield

-Cass

The Last Concert

So tonight my school had their chorus concert, and it's our last one this year. I'm not sure if I'm glad or unhappy, seeing as it's starting to dawn on me that school is actually ending and I'm never going to be able to go back to these hallways, teachers, even students. I'm leaving everything... it's weird.
I have a couple of friends who are also leaving our current school system and I wonder if they feel the same way.
I'd write more but I have homework to finish. Might edit this post later.


~Cassie

Hate is a Strong Word

So... I don't know if you ever have those days where you're at school, or anywhere really, and you look around at everyone around you and realize...

You're leaving these people eventually. And you'll never see them again. 

And you think to yourself. You don't really hate everyone as much as you thought you did. 

When you've known the same people all your life, it's hard to think of leaving. Even if you can't stand them, and you tell yourself that you can't wait to get out of here, that you'll be better off somewhere else, when the day comes you really don't want to leave.

Everyone wants familiarity. We want to know our surroundings, because it makes us feel like we belong somewhere. Or at least that's me. It's so funny, how you can feel alone even when there are millions of people around you.

So, I thank the four people following me. Now I don't feel like I'm talking to myself! Which wouldn't be unusual.

-Cass